I NEED HELP! I am trying really hard to be a good successful parent, but I think I am failing miserably. Now, I don't want ANYONE if you are reading this and planning on commenting, to say "oh, I think you are a great Mother....BLAH BLAH BLAH" that is not what I am looking for. I need some disciplining help. I want advice, or things that YOU do with your kids that you have found that works. Okay, so here is the situation.....it starts out like this.
7:15 a.m. Breakfast -Jack and Kylee play while they are eating, Buffy tries very patiently to get them to just eat, so they can play afterwords.
7:40- still "eating" breakfast (their bowls aren't even half gone), still playing, still trying to be patient.
8:00- Still haven't eaten, so I take breakfast away, and say "NO SNACKS"
8:15- time to clean rooms- Buffy says (cause we were planning on going swimming today) if rooms don't get cleaned, NO ONE goes swimming. I go upstairs to try and get some cleaning done myself.
8:17- Kylee says she wants to clean later, I say, that is your choice, but if it isn't done when it is time to go swimming, we won't go. She heads back down stairs.
8:30- Kylee runs upstairs and says "mom, come see what Jack has done." I go down stairs and see foamy soap all over the carpet and chair" both kids are sent to their own rooms with doors shut, and are not to come out until ROOMS ARE CLEAN.
8:35- both are out of rooms. Screaming and yelling is occurring.
8:36-9:00- I am really loosing my patience, keep telling them to clean, we have all lost the privilege of going swimming, and can't play at all today. I am still trying to get them to clean.
9:00- STILL NOT CLEAN. WHAT THE HECK DO I DO? Not only are they not clean, but Jack has made another big water mess in his room. He shook his sippy cup so much that all the water is now out and all over his bed, so he takes his sheets off and I wash them for the 4th time THIS WEEK!!! I sit down there and try and watch them clean still I have to get after them for playing when they should be cleaning. Then make them sit in their rooms for a while.
9:30-Big mess in the bathroom, so I tell them THEY are cleaning it up, but do you think they are doing it? NO! I have no idea how to punish my kids. All they do all day is yell and scream and cry and be disobedient. I can't send them to their rooms, cause they just come out. Unless I am sitting down there MAKING them stay in their rooms, it won't happen. Am I going crazy? I need some help on what other people do, or even what you think.
10:30- I have pretty much given up, they are still downstairs screaming and crying, but I don't know what to do. I ususally don't make such a big deal about cleaning, and I will even usually help them, but they were SOOOO disobedient that I couldn't do it today. WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
9 comments:
Haha, sounds like fun--I can't wait! Have you ever heard of the "I've Got Joy" tape? It has all these songs about how to be good kids, and there's one about a monster named "Gunnie Bag" who "eats the leftover toys and keeps them in his tummy." Well, Cheralyn puts this song into practice. If her kids have their toys out at bedtime, she tells them that the "Gunnie Bag" is going to come get them. It really does and they are really gone forever. Tough, I know, but that works for her. You rock. :)
My kids respond well to sound beatings.
Buff! It's tough. I know I have days like that were it seems like everything I try doesn't work... even if it worked the day before. I think the biggest mistakes we make as parents with small children is being inconsistent. It's so easy to say... fine... I'll do it.. or we'll let it go this time. But that's when they realize they really don't have to do it. Some days it's just plain hard to do that though... and you have to give in. One thing that I have found my kids respond to way better then my yelling and even time out (which usually works well at my house) is a reward system. Kelsi has chores she needs to get done in the morning usually before we can go anywhere. I have a chart that has a list (or a picture) of her job.. like make bed, clean room, get dressed, comb hair, etc. Anyway, when she's finished a chore she marks it off or puts a sticker on it. At the end of the day if she's done her chores I usually give her a small amount of money to put in her piggy bank and she knows exactly what she's saving her money for to buy. This time, though, I told her that if she does her chores at the end of the month we will go to chuck-e-cheeses... she's thrilled about that! Sorry... I'm giving way too much advice. But you know you can call me anytime you need. I'm not perfect and I have plenty days like you described, I think we all do... it's noticing the days they do things well that's hard! Good luck! Love ya!
Buff, you suck as a mom. Ha ha! Just kidding. Anyway, I usually just threaten to throw anything away that is on the floor. That usually does it. Just make sure you follow through!
Well I am far from being someone to give parenting advice, but for what it is worth, the one thing that I have noticed when I am going through a rough week, days with Jantsen rebellion or totally defiant to me, is that I haven't spent enough one on one time with him. That is his way to get my attention is to be soo naughty. I find that if I make one day every week or every other week that I do something with just him and me, things go so much smoother. And it is either going on a bike ride, or to the museum or taking him and his buddies to the zoo. Something that he is totally interested in and it is just him and me. Or you can just lock them in their room all day and make a milkshake for yourself and wait for joe to come home to deal with them. :) Good luck and give me a call whenever you need a break! Miss you and can't wait to see you in about a week...yeah that is when I am coming!!!
I've been reading Love and Logic for toddlers through 6 yrs old. It sounds great in theory so we'll see how it goes in practice. My cousin uses their theories religiously though, and her kids are very well-behaved. Maybe mine will be too! Good luck!
Love & Logic is great. You can get the books on CD to listen to in the car with your hubby so that you are on the same page.
We put Max's lock on the outside of the door and that has saved me so many times. We don't use it as much now, but it is still great for time-outs when he is not cooperating or when I cannot take even five more seconds of misbehavior.
Oh Buffy! I hate to tell you that I was happy to read this but I have recently been going through almost the exact same thing (especially the breakfast thing) and have been so frustrated and lost. So I just like knowing I am not the only one. Being a mom is so difficult. As for keeping kids in their rooms, I turned the doorknob on Jansen's room around so that I can lock it from the outside. The fact that you care about all this DOES show what a great mom you are though!
Friends – here is a comment I left on my sister-in-laws blog when she was frustrated with her kids being totally disobedient. I hope it is helpful to someone else.
Buffy you are a great mother and if it means anything we all have days/weeks of what you described. We had a spell of disobedience in May and it was driving me nuts. I felt like I was always getting upset with Allison and I felt like a terrible mom so I came up with an "Obedient Chart."
Here are the details:
1. I created a simple chart on the computer – ten rows with ten columns.
2. For FHE we discussed the importance of being obedient. We explained how Jesus was obedient to Heavenly Father and that she needs to be obedient too so if mom or dad asks her to do anything she needs to do it.
3. We wrapped up the obedient chart with a sheet of stickers for her to open. So she was excited to receive it and thought it was so special.
4. We explained that she will randomly receive obedient stickers if she is good all of the time. (I did this because I didn't want her to think that every time she was obedient she'd get a reward - that just isn't reality.) After receiving 10 obedient stickers she was able to pick out an obedient toy. (I have two bins of doll house type toys in the basement that we call “obedient toys” and that were bought without her knowledge and specifically for this purpose.)
5. The first few days, I would give her stickers almost every few hours if she was constantly obedient. I would also take stickers off the chart if she was disobedient or didn’t start doing what I asked within three seconds. She was able to earn her first obedient toys within a few days of having the FHE, which taught her that being obedient had its rewards.
6. After she received her first obedient toy/10 stickers, she was stoked and started being extra obedient. This activity has been a life saver.
7. We are in our seventh week of using the obedient chart and stickers and she has only received three toys, because I only give her one sticker every few days now, but she is still really obedient.
8. This has helped me because she knows the rules (i.e. constant obedience = an obedient sticker and disobedience = a sticker taken away, which means that she isn’t going to get her toy as soon.
Allison is a pleaser, so this may not work with all kids, but it has totally worked for us. It has also helped us out in public because instead of threatening all I have to say is, “Oh no; when we get home do we have to remove one of your obedient stickers?” She instantly changes her behavior and I didn’t have to threaten anything harsh.
One of my friends has done a similar activity with marbles. She gave her two older kids (4 and 2) each an empty small jam jar and then she has a larger jar full of marbles. She rewards them with marbles and when their jar is full they get to choose a reward activity (i.e. going to Chuckie Chesses’; going to Dairy Queen – is what her kids choose as their rewards.)
We are all just trying to survive and enjoy this time in our lives, but hopefully the activity above will help you stay sane and help your children learn to be obedient.
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